When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
King David

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sasha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous

The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Red Skelton

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming.
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Patrick Murray

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
Nash

You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to. (My personal favorite...)
Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
Henny Youngman


A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy : 'You're lucky; mine's still alive.'
Anonymous

One of my favorites......

quote:

He that hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortune; for they are impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief.

Of Marriage and Single Life.
Francis Bacon

My Mate says that he and his wife are happily married:

She's Happy!

He's Married!

A man doesn't have to be a polygamist to have one wife too many

The secret to a long marriage is a short memory

Behind every successful man there is a suprised woman

Men have two choices in a marriage, they can be right or they can be happy

What is the difference b/w your marriage and your funeral ?
At your marriage, you get to smell the flowers .

What is the difference b/w buying a prostitute and getting married ?
With the prostitute, you only pay once.

What is the difference b/w having a girlfriend and getting married ?
The girlfriend never has that strange reaction b/w a gold ring on her finger and the taste of your soosie .

Great post! Thanks Doubless! Had me laughing out loud

One of my favorites has always been:

All women are crazy. Some are just crazier than others.