From my in-laws in Texas:

ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Just stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.
5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are you?"
7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
8. If you hear a redneck say, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way, these are likely his last words ever.
9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
10. There are no delis. Don't ask.
11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.
12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.
13. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven.
14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.
16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer.
17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.
18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.
19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.
20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.
21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'Margarita.'
23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.
24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy".
26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.
28. "Tea" = Sweet Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
29. Everything is better with Ranch dressing.

#25 is my favorite.
In La. driving on the shoulder is illegal. Just another 1 of our stupid laws.

Been hear since late 1979. Some of these are b.s. (but #28 for sure.) Add #30. Texas is not in "The South".

What about #1 and the bacon grease?

What's with 29 ?

Grizz

quote:

Originally posted by Grizzly Adams:
What's with 29 ?

Grizz

Ranch salad dressing is the dressing of Texas, often used instead of or in place of Ketchup. Yummy.

Damn son! You don't ever throw out bacon grease. You put it in an empty Crisco can if nothing else, and cook everything you eat fried in that bacon grease.

Don't ever fry an egg unless it's fried in bacon grease.

Don't ever fry a hamburger unless it's fried in bacon grease.

Don't ever fry (anything) unless it's fried in bacon grease.

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We even have Appetizers in Texas restaurants. It's called "Bacon".

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The best way to fry bacon grease is in more bacon grease.

quote:

Originally posted by Kensco:
Damn son! You don't ever throw out bacon grease. You put it in an empty Crisco can if nothing else, and cook everything you eat fried in that bacon grease.

Don't ever fry an egg unless it's fried in bacon grease.

Don't ever fry a hamburger unless it's fried in bacon grease.

Don't ever fry (anything) unless it's fried in bacon grease.

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We even have Appetizers in Texas restaurants. It's called "Bacon".

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The best way to fry bacon grease is in more bacon grease.

When I was a kid, you'd spread bacon grease on a piece of bread. Yummy. the German name is Grieben Schmaltz.

Grizz

I've got a recipe around here somewhere that uses bacon grease to fry Matza balls in. Really!I heard about it on NPR that this Jewish guy in NYC was doing this one as a lark in his deli ,but they were so damned good that he put them on the menu.Funny part of the story was that none of the jews were offended,only the goyum. Correlation to current events;take it on your own (yankee collective guilt syndrome). BTW,I buy my dark rye,kraut,mustard,swiss from Germany.When I make my Reubens I fry them in bacon grease.O.K. That is a bit on the exotic end;for regular breakfast,you HAVE to fry your eggs(over easy) + potatoes in bacon grease; + by GOD,there will be grits on the side.And as Bob Wills said "And That's What I Like About The South".

if you experience #25 and they DON'T pull over, you say #6, except you say ya'll, not you, no matter how many tourists are being addressed/cussed at. however, #25 don't apply when in el paso or surrounding area cause ur liable to run over a bunch of border hoppers having a family reunion on the shoulder of the road.

30. Always be polite, Texans are armed and you don't want to piss them off.

Grizz

You got a point there,Judge.

YUP, my wife is from Abilene and my in-laws still live in Austin. My wife has a jar of bacon grease next to the stove at all times.

Funny story, I had cooked some pork one day and was about to pour the grease in the same bacon grease jar. From behind me I heard, "Oh HELL NO! Bacon grease is NOT the same as pork. Step away." After 32 years, I should know better.

why is this in the humor section?? this is vital information!

also, if you are invited to a mexican wedding and wonder why there is so much pan dulce? its to keep the flies off the bride.

If we are reverting to mexican jokes + weddings;you know who the best man was? The guy with the jumper cables.

All humor aside now,God's truth.Mexican women are the most loyal of any race I have ever seen.They are loyal to their husband,family ,or the company she works for.If I even encounter a Mexican secratery when calling for my payments,etc.,I just leave right there.You WILL NOT go any further.