All your questions about South Africa answered
Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain
on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad
tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send
me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South
Africa? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific.
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which
does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday
night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which di rection is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
A: No, WE don 't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female
population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk
is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can di spense
rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All
South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Karl,

those are great, and, I suspect, either real questions you've been asked , or only slightly embellished.

How's this one from the wife of a client-- are all the animals you've killed dead? No ma'am, some are just taking a long nap.

Karl,



You could sell those to Bill Engvall, "Here's Your Sign".

My favorite I get from time to time after a hunt is, "Did you catch anything"?
To which I reply,"Well, we did catch a few slow runners. They sure don't like it when you grab their tails though"!

quote:

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Can't miss her, she is 62, naked, watching the Kola races and lessing to the Vienna Boys choir.

Keith

quote:

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Can't miss her, she is 62, naked, watching the Kola races and lessing to the Vienna Boys choir.

Christmas day no doubt!!