1.Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get
married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2.Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says,
"I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."


3.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

4.Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.


5.A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

6.A dyslexic man walks into a bra.


7.A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one
for the road."


8.Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

9."Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says, "It's Not Unusual."


10.Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true," exclaimed Daisy, " no bull!

11.An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

12.A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and
says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,
then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him
down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."


13.I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day but I couldn't find any.

14.I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet
him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off
the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."


15.I went to a seafood disco last week... and
pulled a mussel.

16.What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

17.Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is
the bar tender here?"

18.How come that blind guy's right leg is yellow?
His dog is blind too!

19 Grasshopper goes into a bar. The bartender say "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!"
Grasshopper says " That's stupid.
Who'd want a drink named Larry?"

Excellent!!