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So, you think English is easy, huh? Read to the end and see if you still think so. 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 2. The farm was used to produce produce. 3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10. I did not object to the object. 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13. They were too close to the door to close it. 14. The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You lovers of the English language might enjoy this... There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP' It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP. To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .. When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP ... When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so... it is time to shut UP! | ||
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I love it! | |||
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That's why the English were so successful in their conquests. While the locals were trying to figure out how the language worked, we'd steal all their stuff. Aim for the exit hole | |||
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Thanks Saeed--also, bow and bow. | |||
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Very well done since English is not your first language. It is mine and at times, I have to slow down and think about the spellings of very related words!!! When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults! | |||
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And yet with all the confusion and rules which would satisfy the most adamant contrarian, English Language is full of incredible beauty and power:
and this for those that don't understand the motivation of the English Speaking peoples:
-------------------- EGO sum bastard ut does frendo | |||
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Dang, and all this time I'd thought it was overt rape, pillage, exploitation, and subjection. For the local's own good, of course. I prefer "Holy Willie's Prayer" myself. Aim for the exit hole | |||
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Thanks DMCI. I've been reading a book of WSC's speeches that includes commentary. He worked long and hard on those speeches. When I hear folks refer to Obama as a great speaker, I wonder if they've ever read anything decent at all. | |||
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21. I duck when I see a duck. 22. I paid a buck to see a buck buck. | |||
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Having gone back to college after too many years, I have learned two things in my English classes. One, I can't even speak English and second, I can't write English either. I don't think there has been a decent speech writer in the US since MLK jr. | |||
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George Carlin Let us speak courteously, deal fairly, and keep ourselves armed and ready Theodore Roosevelt | |||
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re: no good speech writers. Yep. Too politically correct. Dast not step on any voter bloc toes. The whole point is to talk a lot without saying anything. Extra points for using big or obscure words without defining them in context. Aim for the exit hole | |||
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Whilst we're talking non politically correct and greatly mis understood words, whilst a lot of people frown on the word, it's only because the misunderstand one of the most important and versatile words in the English language. My apologies to the easily offended amongst you! Fuck Perhaps one of the most interesting and versatile words in the English language is the word fuck. It is the only word which can describe pain, pleasure, hate, and love. Fuck falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (John really gives a fuck) or a passive verb (Mary really doesn’t give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), and a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). It should be obvious now that there are not many words in the English language with the versatility of the word fuck. Here’s just some of the other ways in which this lovely word can be used: • Insurance fraud: I got fucked by my agent. • Happiness: I got fucked by my girlfriend. • Dismay: Oh fuck it. • Frustration: Fuck. • Amazement: Well, fuck. • Trouble: I guess I’m fucked now. • Aggression: Fuck you. • Passive: Fuck me. • Anger: Fuck it. • Confusion: What the fuck is going on? • Difficulty: I can’t understand my fucking homework. • Curiosity: What the fuck are you doing? • Despair: Fucked again. • Uncaring: Who gives a fuck? • Religious: Holy fuck! • Incompetence: He’s all fucked up. • Laziness: He’s just fucking around. • Rebellion: Fuck off. • Romantic: Let’s fuck. • Fear: Oh fuck. • Displeasure: What the fuck is happening? • It can be used in descriptive anatomy: He’s a fucking asshole. • It can be used to suggest ideas: Go fuck a tree, • It can be used to tell time: It’s fucking 5:30 • It can be used in business: How did I get this fucking job? • It can have maternal connections: Motherfucker. • It can be nautical: Fuck the admiral. • It can be political: Fuck the President. • It can be medical: Re-fucking-tarded. • It can open the door to new relationships: Let’s fuck. • It can enhance the meaning of a word: Beauti-fucking-ful. • It can be used as a greeting: - How the fuck are you? • It can display confusion: What the fuck?!; • It can be used to express disgust: "Fuck me" • It can be a philosophical statement - "Who gives a fuck?" • It can be used in numerology : "Sixty-fuckin'-nine"; • It can be a navigational term: - "Where the fuck are we?" • DISBELIEF - "Unfuckingbelievable • RETALIATION - Up your fucking ass!" • SATISFACTION – That’s fucking wonderful!PREDICTION - "Well, I'll be fucked!" • A PUT DOWN - "Fuck off, buster!" • ALL ENCOMPASSING - "Fuck 'em all!" • AS AN ACCEPTANCE - "Fuckin' eh!" • ENJOYMENT - "Fuckin' Wow!" " Never forget the quotes of some famous people in our history and in the present: • Michelangelo: "You want me to paint what on the fucking ceiling" • George Custer: Where did all these Fucking indians come from? • Einstein: "Any fucker can understand that" • Mayor of Hiroshima: What the fuck was that? • Heidi Fleuss: Fuck these celebrities! • Mayor Richard Daley: Fuck the heat - - Chicago IL • John Wayne: "Fuck death and the lung cancer he rode in on." • Bill Clinton: What the fuck's this inhaling thing? • Oliver North: You're all fucking liars! • Sean PennFuck: Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck etc. • Eddie Murphy: Fuck you, Fuck you, and Fuck you. Who's next? • Jack Nicholas: Fuck this for a lark, 1995 British Open And last but not least, the immortal words of the captain of the Titanic, who said "Full speed ahead and fuck the iceberg" and five minutes later said "Where is all this fucking water coming from? The mind fairly boggles at the many creative uses of the many creative uses of the word. How can anyone be offended when you say "FUCK"? Use fuck in your daily speech. | |||
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STEVE, What the fuck are you talking about!!!!! did i fucking miss something | |||
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You forgot Helen Keller "Where the fuck am I now?" "Molotov Cocktails don't leave fingerprints" -Dr. Ski | |||
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Not forgetting the crucial difference in usuage that determines the tone of the exchange. For example: "Pass the fucking salt" is completely acceptable, even at sunday lunch with granny whereas "Fucking pass the salt" is unforgivable. I believe that in the South of US, swearing has similarly been developed to an art form, perhaps a proponent would chime in? | |||
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JUST FUCKING AMAZING!! | |||
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Too fucking right...... and the fucking amazing thing is so many fucking people complain about the fucking word being used so fucking often. You'd fucking think they'd be fucking impressed by the fact the fucking word could be used in so fucking many different fucking contexts. The fucking problem is so fucking many people are just so fucking ignorant. | |||
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Steve, I'm still fucking worried by your fucking infatuation with that fucking duck not to be mistaken by fucking a duck | |||
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Do you mean 'fat chance' or 'slim chance' ? Forget about it ! | |||
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Of course your F****** experience may vary! -------------------- EGO sum bastard ut does frendo | |||
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You can say that again. | |||
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As Gallagher pointed out: Why is it Comb, Bomb, Tomb? You try figgering it out.... Dutch. Life's too short to hunt with an ugly dog. | |||
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