Don't know if this has been here before or not, but.....

1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

2. My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

3. Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

4. Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder?
What the hell was I thinking?

5. Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

6. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life...
I never believed in Hell till I met you.

7. When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

8. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas and
West Virginia)