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The following Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life seem to be fairly valid... SIMPLE TRUTH 1: Lovers help each other undress before sex. However, after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed. SIMPLE TRUTH 2: When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats." But, none of them comes up to the man - touch his penis and say, "Good job" Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated. FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE: 1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name. 3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk. AND My "Favorite"..From 80 Years of Life: 5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them. BONUS RULE: Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot & killed by the woman's husband. | ||
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3 rules of life from Edward Abbey Never play cards with a man called Doc, Never eat at a place called Mom's, + Never go to bed with a woman that has more problems than you do;well almost never. Never mistake motion for action. | |||
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