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Picture of Moremonte
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The following Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life seem to be fairly valid...



SIMPLE TRUTH 1:

Lovers help each other undress before sex.

However, after sex, they always dress on their own.



Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.



SIMPLE TRUTH 2:

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats."

But, none of them comes up to the man - touch his penis and say, "Good job"



Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.



FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:


1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name.


3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.


4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.



AND My "Favorite"..From 80 Years of Life:


5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.



BONUS RULE:


Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot & killed by the woman's husband. shocker
 
Posts: 2043 | Location: Grove,OK. | Registered: 20 July 2002Reply With Quote
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Picture of nvmichael
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Big Grin
 
Posts: 1088 | Location: NV | Registered: 27 October 2004Reply With Quote
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Picture of NormanConquest
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3 rules of life from Edward Abbey
Never play cards with a man called Doc,
Never eat at a place called Mom's, +
Never go to bed with a woman that has more problems than you do;well almost never.


Never mistake motion for action.
 
Posts: 17357 | Location: Austin, Texas | Registered: 11 March 2013Reply With Quote
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jumping
 
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