Wives:



When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
face each other but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer.. is, 'What does
a woman want? '
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife; and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Henny Youngman

'I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.'
Sam Kinison

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage.'
James Holt McGavran

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second
one didn't.'
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have
mine.'
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

I miss my wife, but my aim is getting better.

As the saying goes."If they did'nt have a pussy;there would be a bounty on them".

Wedding reception defined....

A pre divorce party

Quote for the day:
'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she 'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'
So - if you give her crap, you will receive more shit than any one human being can handle

Chinese Proverb:

A man without a wife is incomplete.

A married man is finished

I've been married so long that I don't even look both ways when I cross the street anymore.

Married men are all too familiar with the three rings of matrimony ;

the engagement ring

The wedding ring

and the endless suffer-ring.....

I chewed off my own leg to get out of that trap.
Hurt? Nah, it didnt hurt, felt kind of good.

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he tates, "That's one." The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.

A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!" He returns to his saddle and they move on.

As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol from his vest, and shots the horse dead.

The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, "That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!"

The man stares at his wife and firmly says, "That's one!"

The Lord watches Adam walking alone in the Garden of Eden. The sight troubles Him. He calls Adam over and tells him that he is going to give him a companion and partner called "woman".

Adam looks a little doubtful so the Lord explains that this companion and partner will be absolutely loyal to him, will obey his every wish and command and will give him pleasure and ecstasy beyond his wildest imaginings. In short, as the Lord explains, she will be whatever your wildest dreams ever imagined! She will be yours to command!

Adam still looks a little doubtful. He asks the Lord: " How much will this "woman" cost me.

The Lord says, yes she will be expensive "probably an arm and a leg".

Adam asks: "What can I get for a rib?"