A minor league hockey goalie got a slap shot square in the nether regions during a game the night before his wedding. His manhood was bruised and bent in a most terrible manner. The team trainer put two tongue depressors top and bottom, and wrapped it up with tape.

He was so embarrassed he didn't tell his bride- to-be of the incident.

After the wedding, in the bridal suite, his bride retired to the bathroom and donned a sheer nightie. As she came into the bedroom, she acted coyly. She slipped the shoulder straps down, and whispered, "Pure as the driven snow."
As she approached the bed, she murmured,
Untouched by human hands."

The groom, not to be outdone, ripped off his pajama bottoms, pointed to his mangled member, and exclaimed, "Still in the crate!"

You heard about the newlyweds that didn't know the difference between Vaseline + putty? Their windows fell out.

Oh, to be a newly wed again! Whatever the trials, they were worth it.