Why I Like Retirement !

Question:How many days in a week?
Answer:6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday


Question:When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer:Two hours after they fall asleep on the couch.



Question:What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer:There is not enough time to get everything done. (Sure)



Question:Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer:The term comes with a 10% discount.



Question:Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer:Tied shoes.



Question:What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer:NUTS!





Question:What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer:If you cut classes, no one can call your parents.



Question:What does a retiree you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.



Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.... 'One year older than me' 'So you're 97,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?



Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked... She replied, 'No peer pressure.'



The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.



I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine. Take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember If I'm 85 or 105. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.



My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



Know how to prevent wrinkles? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.



These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'



THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,

And the eyesight to tell the difference.


Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!

Thank God I still have my drivers license.

Grizz

Seriously,my mother in law just turned 102. They made a big deal of it at the retirement home.Gave her a sash saying birthday queen + a tiara. They brought in a kindergarden class to sing her happy birthday + the mayor came + made a speech (typical).This is in Cedar Park,Tx. If anyone is interested,it was printed 1st page in the Hill Country News;could maybe find it online if anyone cared.A really sweet day.