The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!


I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.


The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"


My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

I vividly remember on several occasions in college waking up to seeing some girls shoes at my bedside + the lady snoozing away.Had to take a minute to remember the names.(being real,they most likely don't ,but in think. either.(But I would like to think so )

Norman, that is as clear as mud.

Normans been drinking again