THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY
MARRIED FOR YEARS? THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE
WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING
WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL
WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM
OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.

HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY
NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED
THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.


THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN
ONE CHRISTMAS DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY
FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT
THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS,
AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS
SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND
EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL
TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM
AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH
ROOM.

THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON
THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF
TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS
IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON
HIS FACE.

SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME
AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.

'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING
MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.

'BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS.
I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.

Oldie, but a goodie!