UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
>
> 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
>
> 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
>
> 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
> pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
>
> 4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green chips.
>
> 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008
> into a calculator.
>
> 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
>
> 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
>
> 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have
> a fire in your back garden.
>
> 9) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
>
> 10) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
>
> 11) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
>
> 12) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
>
> 13) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
>
> 14) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
>
> 15) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
>
> 16) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call
> your teacher mum or dad.
>
> 17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
> the first given opportunity.
>
> 18) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
>
> 19) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
> through and then raced against the flush.
>
> 20) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
>
> 21) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
>
> 22) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
>
> 23) You never ever run out of salt.
>
> 24) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
>
> 25) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
>
> 26) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
> your hand or head stuck in something.
>
> 27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
>
> 28) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had
> their arm broken by a swan.
>
> 29) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on
> an upturned plug.
>
> 30) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
>
> 31) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
> wood specifically to stir paint with.
>
> 32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
>
> 33) Bricks are horrible to carry.
>
> 34) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
>
> 35) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in
> a fruit salad.
>
>
>
>
>
>

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like. . . . night.

3. On the other hand . . . you have different fingers.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

10. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

11. I intend to live forever---so far so good.

12. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

13. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

14. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

15. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

16. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

17. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

18. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

20. Two wrongs are only the beginning.

21. The trouble with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

22.A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

23. Change is inevitable . . . except from a vending machine.

24. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

25. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

26. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener

I found this "truth" on the wall of a mens room:

" No mater how goodlooking she is....somebody , somewhere is tired of her shit"

lots of guys are big and tough and bad.... none of them are bullet proof...........

23) You never ever run out of salt.

I have...

25) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

The guy who wrote this have not met a certain captain of my old regiment who used to carry his German shepheard...

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed (and not a valuable plant) is to pull on it -- If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Get the last word in: Apologize.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies . . .. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.

It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?

[ 12-08-2003, 06:39: Message edited by: Mickey1 ]