Weight Loss Program.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 lbs that week.

That's like the one about the elderly gent that joins this nudist health club with all ammenities.The 1st day he's there he sees this beautiful nubile young thing + begins to get an erection.She comes over to him + says "You rang?I'm here to service you"Then he does his best to service her.Thinking that this place is all right I believe I'll take out a long term memborship. About this time the old guy farts + up comes this big dude saying "You rang? Ise here to service you!" After that debacle the guy goes to the front desk + says I want my money back. I get maybe one hardon a month but I fart at least 10 times a day.

An old one.

I had an AMERICAN friend years ago, a fantastic lady, had 10 times more weight than she should.

But, she had an absolutely killer sense of humor.

So I modified the above story, making her the last one!

She called me AN UNMITIGATED BASTARD!

Gave me a T-shirt with that on it, and dared me to wear it!

I did!

She had a degree in something, and I used to tell her she might have some intelligence to have a degree, sadly all that intelligence is spread in her fat!

Her answer was “you do not have a brain! You think with your dick”

Like that women's libber friend of mine once said. "You know why a woman doesn't have any brains?" "Because she doesn't have a dick to put them in." The girls all like that one of course.