At the beginning of a safari in deep Africa, the grizzled tour guides could not help but notice a beautiful single woman join the group. At lunch the woman temptingly approached the three men and said, "You men must have some amazing stories to tell."
The men quickly sought to impress the woman. The first stood up and in grand fashion said, "I once wandered upon a gorilla, a Silverback no less, as strong as five men. Somehow I had offended it and it came at me. My first thought was to flee but survival instincts kicked in. I became almost possessed and charged the beast with the power and strength of legend. I somehow grabbed the beast around the neck, it felt like a tree trunk but I snapped it like a twig!" The man then declared in a loud voice, "To this day I fear no animal in all of Africa!"

The second man stood up and said, "A Silverback I could only wish, no, I faced an ordeal much worse." He turned toward the woman and said quietly, "A few summers ago I was alone about 500 yards from a small village and my jeep had a flat, and I was fixing it. Suddenly I felt what I thought was an earthquake. I looked to the south and saw a cloud of dust, and instantly knew what it was. The African Bull elephant is the largest land animal in the world and about 50 of them were stampeding toward me!

With nowhere to go I climbed to the top of the jeep and waited. As they closed I thought of not myself but the small village of women and children nearby. With nerves of steel I waited until they got within range and leapt. With incredible luck I landed on the lead elephant."

The man knelt before the woman and continued, "With courage of my ancestors and the strength of Hercules himself, I wrapped my legs around the enormous mammal's upper body. I then grabbed his ears and somehow guided him slightly to the left. That was enough of a change to remove the village from his path. The other elephants followed his lead and the villagers were saved." The man then triumphantly said, "To this day I am a hero to all the people of that region!"

The third man looked at the ground for a few moments and then humbly said, "Those are truly stories of great heroism that I cannot best, but I will tell my story." He sat down and started, "On my first trip to Africa I was a tourist with three of my high school buddies. Somehow, after too much to drink, we got separated from the group.

For five days we wandered in the wild without food or water. Finally we came upon a river. We were so excited that we stripped down to our birthday suits and ran toward the river. Just as we were getting close to the water, a 25-foot crocodile came out and came after us. As the four of us ran we saw a tree with only one branch. I was the fastest and climbed up the best I could, and dangled from the branch. My buddies were bumping into each other and couldn't reach the branch, but luckily they were able to reach a vine and hang from it about two feet above the crocodile's open mouth. The three of them were hanging from a single vine -- they begged and pleaded for me to help them but all I could do was close my eyes and hang on for dear life. My friends cursed me but I could do nothing. Maybe it was luck or divine intervention, but the crocodile soon grew tired of waiting for us to drop and went back to the water." The man then looked at the woman and said gallantly, "To this day my friends thank me and have even named their first born sons after me."

The woman looking confused said, "I thought you ignored their pleas for help and that all you did was close your eyes and hold on for dear life?"

The man smiled and replied, "With the will power of no man before me and no man since, I held on to that branch. I was weak from no food or water I had no clothes on, yet I held on to that branch and supported the weight of four grown men for over 20 twenty minutes! You see ma'am, that tree was old and barren, and that was no vine they were hanging from!"