.) The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of
lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
2.) How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She
has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
3.) How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
4.) How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.
5.) How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
6.) How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder
company.
7.) If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only
one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
8.) What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
9.) What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.
10.) What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.
11.) What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your honor.
12.) What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
13.) What does a lawyer use for birth control?
His personality.
14). What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do.
15.) What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
16.) What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wing tips.
17.) Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New
Jersey has the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.
8.) What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked
politician?
Chelsea Clintond

[ 06-21-2003, 06:05: Message edited by: raamw ]

Good One!!

The last one just made my day

raamw, those were pretty good, I'm going to pass these on to my youngest daughter. She just graduated from law school and she has a warped sense of humour.

How many lawyers does it take to screw a light bulb? Out of what?

What is black & brown & looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.

Why do lawyers wear neckties?
To keep their foreskins from showing.

The temperature was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets

What would you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A GOOD START!!!

Two lawyers are walking down the street and this very hot looking woman walks past them. One lawyer says to the other "Man, I'd like to screw her!" And the other lawyer says "Out of what?"

Three people died and arrived at the gates of heaven together. A nun, a telemarketer and a lawyer. Peter told them that they each would have to answer a question before they could enter heaven:

With the nun he thought, I should make this very easy, as she has worked faithfully for our Lord her whole life, and asks her,"what was the worst shipwreck in history?"

"The titanic" she replies. He tells her she is right and she enters.

The telemarketer is next and he says to himself, I don't know if we want a telemarketer in here, what annoying people,"how many people died on the Titanic?"

The telemarketer took a wild guess "1503!" Wouldn't you know, it was right.

Then the lawyer comes up and Peter asks him "what were all their names?"

Why do all lawyers Actually go to heaven?

Even Satan has minimal entrance standards!

The judge was addressing the defendant in his case summary,"You Sir, are the most didpicable character to have come before me for some time. If it were still on the statutes, I would have no hesitation in sentencing you to the gallows. Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?"

"Fuck all" came the reply in a low grunt.

"What did that man say; what did he say" roared the judge.

The defendant's council leaped to his feet and shouted "Fuck all, your Honour!"

"That's funny," said the old judge," I could have sworn I saw his lips move."

what is the definition of a crying shame. A bus load of Lawyers going over the cliff with one empty seat.

Why do they bury lawyers in 10 foot deep holes?

"Cause deep down they're good folks!

What is the difference between a dead rabbit hit by a car and a dead lawyer hit by a car, both laying out in the middle of the road?
>
>
>
>there are skid marks in front of the rabbit.

A lawyer arrives at the pearly gates, and is met by a brass band and is taken to a huge banquet, where everyone slaps him on the back and congratulates him, including St.Peter himself. The counselor is a bit confused by all the attention, and takes St. to the side, and asks if everyone is treated this way upon arrival in Heaven. St peter says, " well no, but your the first person we have had here that lived to be 180 years old!" the lawyer replies that he was only 54 when he died, and St. Peter checks his records and says, " oh, we must have added up all the hours you charged for."