Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman,

"I'll leave the key under the mat.
Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque.
Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike.
He won't bother you."


"But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

"I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda 's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen.
But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied,

Sic him Spike......

To quote Snydly Whiplash. " 'YOU PEOPLE' have got to learn to read the fine print."

Reminds me of the burglar who broke into a house, to confront a parrot watching him. Jesus is watching, Jesus is watching, the bird keeps repeating. Burglar says I'll deal with Jesus at church, next Sunday. Turned out Jesus was the resident Rottweiler and he had to deal with him a lot sooner.


Grizz

Had a friend that was born in 41 in San Antonio so he grew up in the era of the door to door salesman. They had a German Sheppard that was trained to let anyone into the fenced yard but to let NO ONE out.He said he would come home from school + find at least 1/2 a dozen salesmen sitting on the porch.The 1st one got snagged + he would be damned if he would warn the others.

Friend of mine was a dog trainer, he had a Rottweiler that was trained to let anyone in, but they couldn't leave. First example, they left for a trip on Friday, man tried to break in, got inside and dog clamped down on his arms, stayed that way for two days. Perp tried to sue, they laughed him out of court. Apparently as long as he was still, the dog just kind of held him, if he moved, he would clamp down. I didn't ask about excretions.

Second, same dog, different weekend, man broke into garage, heard dog coming and was still on top of car when they returned home on Sunday. Begged them to call off dog, they did, when sheriff got there.

Yeah my son has his pit bull here on the property. Nicest dog you would ever meet,just looks mean + can be. A bit ago I was getting my steel truck delivery from Houston (all the drivers are black) when up comes Jackpot just glad to everybody.That driver that was helping unload the truck did not say a word,he just levitated onto the semi bed without a word.Hard not to laugh but he was scared.

quote:

Originally posted by Gatogordo:
Friend of mine was a dog trainer, he had a Rottweiler that was trained to let anyone in, but they couldn't leave. First example, they left for a trip on Friday, man tried to break in, got inside and dog clamped down on his arms, stayed that way for two days. Perp tried to sue, they laughed him out of court. Apparently as long as he was still, the dog just kind of held him, if he moved, he would clamp down. I didn't ask about excretions.

Second, same dog, different weekend, man broke into garage, heard dog coming and was still on top of car when they returned home on Sunday. Begged them to call off dog, they did, when sheriff got there.