A program to phase out older personnel viz.retirement will be placed into effect immediately.The program will be known as RAPE(Retire Aged Personnel Early).
The employees who will be RAPED will be given an opportunity to work in other depts.provided that while being RAPED they request for view of their employment record before actual retirement takes place.This phase of operation is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may also apply for a trial service.This will be called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authorities Following Termination).Progress policy dictates that employees may be RAPED once and SCREWED twice,but may get the SHAFT as many times the co.deems appropiate.
If the employees fill the above requirement they will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings of Retired Persons Employment Service).Herpes is considered a bonus plan as an employee can no longer be RAPED or SCREWED.
Human Resource Dept.
Note: SIGN UP FOR ADDITIONAL TRAINING.
It is now and always has been the policy of the Co.to ensure the employees are well trained thru our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT).We have given our employees more SHIT than any other Co.If an employee feels he or she does not recieve SHIT on the job see your immediate supervisor,who may ask you to join the PISS (Personal Initiative for Selective Studies) program.Our management is especially trained to ensure that you get all the SHIT and PISS you can stand.

Sounds like working for the federal government.
Paul B.

.......and just where did you get that copy of my employers policy????????

SS