> One Star Hangover (*) No pain. No real feeling of
> illness. You're able to function relatively well.
> However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas
> and still feel this way. For some reason, you are
> craving a steak & fries.
>
> Two Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is
> definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the
> mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
> chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which
> is
> still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00
> AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite
> havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
>
> Three Star Hangover (***) Slight headache. Stomach
> feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
> Anytime a girl or guy walks by you gag because
> her perfume or his cologne reminds you of the flavored
>
> schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to
> drink. Life would be better right now if you were home
> in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of
> coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke
>
> --- yet you haven't peed once.
>
> Four Star Hangover (****) Life sucks. Your head is
> throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
> might puke. Your boss has already lambasted
> you for being late and has given you a lecture for
> reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that
> can't hide the fact that you only shaved one
> side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you
> put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.)
> Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your
> hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and
> the first of about five dumps you take during the day
> brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the
> bathroom.
>
> Five Star Hangover (*****) You have a second heartbeat
>
> in your head, which is actually annoying the employee
> who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out
> of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have
> toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from
> brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants
> of the poop fairy out. Your body has los the ability
> to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you.
> You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the
> stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any
> attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like
> discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare
> 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this
> 'floater' seems to be to splash the
> toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty
> good
>
>
>
> THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
> Indubitably - Innovative - Preliminary - Proliferation
> -Cinnamon
>
> THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE
> DRUNK:
> Specificity - British Constitution -
> Passive-aggressive disorder -
> Loquacious Transubstantiate
>
> THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN
> YOU'RE DRUNK:
> Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
> Nope, no more booze for me
> Sorry, but you're not really my type
> Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
> Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing, but
> thanks for asking.