My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy.

My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick.

I was born without a body. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is A burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.

I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap because it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me.You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better.

Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope. He will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.

Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels, and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad and and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10

If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long, slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury Its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much. Please help me.

Thank You,

Smilin' Billy

LOL-ROFLMAO!!!

Well hell,I'm convinced! derf

Billy, I'm really sympathetic to your plight, but at the moment, I'm unable to help - I've just sent $3M to a guy in Nairobi who says that I'll get 25% of the money his wicked stepmother put into a Swiss bank account when his father was born. Have you (or your medical advisors) ever considered washing, or better yet, changing the burlap bag (yes I know 'burlap transplants' are expensive), but I'm sure that SOMEONE could donate one, and your local Rotary Club could help out with the labour factor!!

All the best, and keep on asking your Mom to stop crying - nobody (sorry!!!) likes someone who keeps holding onto victim status - if necessary, just tell her to shut the f*ck up - she'e probably pissing your neighbours off!!