My wife told me that when I died, she was going to go the extra mile to see that I got the burial that I deserved.

Do you think it is just a coincidence that the cemetery is five miles from our house, and the landfill is six miles?

If that doesn't make you sleep with one eye open nothing will.

A neighbor has a sign by his front gate that says "Thieves beware, I have a gun + a backhoe".

Along the same lines, my son who has a lot of vintage cars up here on the property has managed to formulate the rumor that "my dad, the crazed Nan vet will shoot 1st + ask questions later" has gone the rounds + I must admit I find it quite amusing + helpful in property security. I'm not saying that I wouldn't shoot someone stealing from me, I would; but I like the idea that the fear is there so I wouldn't have to.