To the citizens of the United States of America
from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II






In light of your immediate failure to
financially manage yourselves and also in recent years to elect
incompetent Presidents of the USA therefore not be able to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective immediately.





(You should
look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)





Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will
resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories
(except Kansas, which she does not fancy).



Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will
appoint a Governor for America without the need for further
elections.



Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year
to determine whether any of you noticed.



To aid in the transition to a British Crown
dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------



1. The
letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,'
'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix
'-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you
will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
(look up 'vocabulary').

------------------------

2. Using the
same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S.
English. We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf. The Microsoft
spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated
letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'











-------------------



3.
July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.



-----------------



4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without
using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many
lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be
independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If
you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a
therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse.



----------------------



5.
Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required
if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.



----------------------



6.
All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you
will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.



--------------------



7.
The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling
gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.



-------------------



8.
You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal
fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.



-------------------



9.
The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer
at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as
Australia is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it
can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British
Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be
referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without
risk of further confusion.



---------------------



10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to
cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be
required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching
Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was
an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.



---------------------



11. You will cease playing American
football. There are only three kinds of proper football; one you
call soccer, Australian Rules and rugby (dominated by the
Australians). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not
involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar
body armour like a bunch of nancies).



---------------------



12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.
It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game
which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are
aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is
understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the
Australians (again World dominators) first to take the sting out of
their deliveries.



--------------------



13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's
been driving us mad.



-----------------



14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector)
from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the
acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).



---------------



15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with
proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits
(cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.



------------------







God
Save the Queen!



PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour
(NOT humor)!

Think I'll move to Kansas...the grouse nunting is better there than in England nowadays anyhow. And whoever thinks the Aussies dominate in football must live under a rock. Ever hear of the All Black?

Fuck the Queen! We ran the misfits out of our country once and can do it again if need be. I'll be celebrating the 4 th of July for many more years

Do you really mean "failure....to elect incompetent presidents" .....or should you mean ...failure to elect COMPETENT presidents??

Hey, I didn't write it, I just posted it. I'd bet it was written by an Aussie....... bloody funny though.

swheeler,

I hope you realise it was a joke........ hence my posting it on the humour or indeed humor section.

G-d bless the Queen. We revolted once to escape from their governance, it's about time we did so again to escape from our own.

quote:

Originally posted by swheeler:
Fuck the Queen! We ran the misfits out of our country once and can do it again if need be. I'll be celebrating the 4 th of July for many more years

Man that's harsh in a humor forum.

quote:

Originally posted by ozhunter:

quote:

Originally posted by swheeler:
Fuck the Queen! We ran the misfits out of our country once and can do it again if need be. I'll be celebrating the 4 th of July for many more years

Man that's harsh in a humor forum.

Naw, just a joke, I wouldn't fuck her with anybody dick-that's why it's in the humor section

The Humor is your mother taught you little manners or respect potty mouth

piss off mate, fuck you and the queen

quote:

Originally posted by swheeler:
fuck you and the queen

That's a horrible thought

Now now children........ play quietly or Santa won't bring you any presents this year!

Tut, bloody colonials!

It is a shame that people like this Wheeler, whoever the hell he is, and where ever the devil he is from, have to come onto this thread that was meant to bring a smile to one's face and inject his hositlity and vulgarity.

One does not have to tolerate this ignoramus. Go to the "ignore list" and post his name. Any of his posts will no longer appear during your time on the threads. A personal black list so to speak.

And fuck this bill cocksucker too, whoever or whatever he is! hypocrite girly boy

quote:

Originally posted by billinthewild:
It is a shame that people like this Wheeler, whoever the hell he is, and where ever the devil he is from, have to come onto this thread that was meant to bring a smile to one's face and inject his hositlity and vulgarity.

One does not have to tolerate this ignoramus. Go to the "ignore list" and post his name. Any of his posts will no longer appear during your time on the threads. A personal black list so to speak.

Advice taken.

quote:

Originally posted by billinthewild:
G-d bless the Queen. We revolted once to escape from their governance, it's about time we did so again to escape from our own.

+1 however I still think princess Diana was good looking

quote:

Originally posted by billinthewild:
It is a shame that people like this Wheeler, whoever the hell he is, and where ever the devil he is from, have to come onto this thread that was meant to bring a smile to one's face and inject his hositlity and vulgarity.

One does not have to tolerate this ignoramus. Go to the "ignore list" and post his name. Any of his posts will no longer appear during your time on the threads. A personal black list so to speak.

Great idea......why be subjected to this turkey, when there's so much good and rational substance in AR.

The UK can have the US (new world, colonies if you must) IF and only IF you can come take it back by force of arms.

Once, rabble raised by the natural need of men to be free, forced the Sovereign of England to go home and play elsewhere (actually, at least twice...), so we would probably be able to do it again. Recall, over 200 million firearms are in US civilian hands, thats about 20, maybe 30 times as many as all in old england totalled....

Does the Brit Army actually have weapons available other than on deployemnts in support of US operations or do they leave them all in country??

If we stayed home once or twice in the last century, Brits (and most of europa as well) would be "sprechen deutsch" today...

(note, some humor (humour), some arrogance embedded throughout...)

God Bless the Allies of western Freedom.

(note, some humor (humour), some arrogance embedded throughout...)

The arrogance is what I picked up on first, then made the comment about the Queen, and finally said it was in fun- yes just like the comments made about my country. But there was no need to criticize my mother by some no count limy. Then this bitchinthewild jumps in-who the hell is he anyway, never see him contribute anything useful on this forum- I went back and looked at a thread where he uses FUCK twice in one sentence, thinking he was cute or something I guess, hence hypocrite. Now for what really took place, I'm sure everyone on here knows I'm a conservative through and through, 4 decades of a straight Republican ticket, never faultered once, and PROUD of it, these johny come lately that jumped in are closet democraps/America haters/spineless liberals. As for the kiwi wanabes, piss off! America, love it or leave it! have a nice day

F yourself, shakari. we are free and we are going to remain free!

quote:

Originally posted by emron:
F yourself, shakari. we are free and we are going to remain free!

Right on!

quote:

Originally posted by swheeler:
But there was no need to criticize my mother by some no count limy.

I'm not even of British decent but to speak so ugly about the Queen due to something that was written as a joke is just plain bad form.
Maybe you should think about how you feel when comments are made about your mother?

Those who know our non-USA friends here understand your humo(u)r. Don't worry about the poor sports posting and ranting -- we've had a rough time here in the last few years (and are a mite touchy about not being universally loved anymore).

The joke was modified from John Cleese' version circulated after Gore-Bush-Florida debacle. Like all good humor, somebody "improved" on it.

Omigosh Bubba, what a chip on the shoulder!!!!!!!!!!!

Although, from up close, it looks like a big cow-chip...

So, your definition of humour is "Poke fun at and disparage at will from the following list: Jews, French, Blacks, Democrats, Brits, Arabs, anything non-American, anything Non-Like-Us, anything We-Can't-Understand (that's a lot, by the way), etc., etc."

And the corollary is "If you're not my first cousin, mention the Stars-and-Stripes, the Republicans, the US of A and anything I like AND I'll KICK YOUR ASS MOTHAFUCKA IF I DON'T SHOOT YOU FIRST!!!!!!!!!!"

Pathetic.

As for the Deutsche Sprach in Europe, may I remind you that if you read some books in lieu of the usual Hollywood history lessons, you'd notice that if the Japanese had not kicked your butt in 1941 (breaking news: the war actually started over two years earlier, you missed some. Yes, I assure you...) you'd have gladly stood by while the world was bursting into flames, making a few bucks in the process selling goods to those involved?

May I also point to your attention that the US lost 150,000 men in Europe, whereas the Russians lost 10 or 11 millions? That the total US WWII death toll was just below 300 thousand, while the world's death toll was 50 MILLION, give or take five million? Seems that a lot of people got very busy during that time, unfortunately when Hollywood's cameras were looking the other way!

It may also have escaped you that the Limey, Monty as it happens, between two cups of tea had quite single-handedly defeated Rommel in North Africa (yes, the Aussies and Kiwis were there too, but they are just Limey with another name, aren't they?), while uncle Josef pummelled Adolf on the Eastern front, thus making the possibility of an allied offensive across the Channel a viable option?

Lest you forget, there are 6.3 billion people on the planet who are NOT Americans. Of the 300 million remaining, a majority think that the "It's as I say or fuck-off" attitude of your country (sorry if I omit the "Great", as some 150 other countries think they are the greatest around and I don't want to hurt susceptibilities...) in the past years was a tad over the top.

That's almost 6.5 billion people who may not necessarily share your ideas and your very limited sense of humour... Good manners would be to acknowledge, and behave like a nice kid when in the kindergarten - a gentle kid who does not throw a tantrum anytime things are said in a way not of his liking, while on his side he spends his time insulting everybody around.

With this said, there is a good number of gentlemen on this site, even American ones, it's just a pity that so often a few uncouth turn it into a barroom kultur center.