Subject: FW: bathroom procedures
> >
> >
> >How to shower like a woman
> >
> >
> >* Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket
> >according to whites and coloured.
> >* Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
> >* If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
> >
> >* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note
> >to do more sit-ups.
> >* Get in shower.
> >* Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah
> >and pumice stone.
> >* Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
> >vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean. Condition hair
with
> >grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave
on
> >hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for
10
> >minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger-nut and jaffa

> >cake body wash. Shave armpits and legs.
> >* Turn off shower.
> >* Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with
> >Tilex.
> >* Get out of shower.
> >* Dry with towel the size of a small country.
> >* Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
> >* Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs.
> >* Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
> >
> >* If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >How to Shower Like A Man
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >* Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed. Leave in
> >a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom.
> >* If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo
> >sound.
> >* Look at manly physique in the mirror.
> >* Admire size of your knob and scratch your ass.
> >* Get in the shower.
> >* Wash your face.
> >* Wash your armpits.
> >* Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
> >
> >* Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud
> >they sound in the shower.
> >* Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
> >Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap. Shampoo

> >hair. Make shampoo Mohawk.
> >* Pee.
> >* Rinse off and get out of shower.
> >* Partially dry-off.
> >* Fail to notice water on floor.
> >* Admire knob size in mirror again.
> >* Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
> >* Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
> >* If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make
> >woo-hoo noise again.
> >* Throw wet towel on bed.
> >




married couple is driving along a highway doing a
>steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the
>wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and
>speaks in a clear voice.
>
>"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for
>twenty years, but I want a divorce."
>
>The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead
>but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
>
>The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and
>talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having
>an affair with your best friend, and she's a far
>better lover than you are."
>
>Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering
>wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to
>55.
>
>He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says
>insistently.
>
>Up to 60.
>
>"I want the car, too," he continues.
>
>65 mph.
>
>"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the
>credit cards and the boat."
>
>The car slowly starts veering towards a massive
>concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so
>he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
>
>The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled
>voice.
>
>"No, I've got everything I need." She says.
>
>"Oh, really?" he inquires, "so what have you got?"
>
>Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the
>wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."

My wife and I had a discussion that pretty much covered the "Bathroom Procedured". The only that she nailed me for that you missed was leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to even put it up. You hit it right on.

What is it with women and toilet seats ? It takes less energy to lower the seat than it does to lift - lowering is gravity assisted - why should the man have to do the easy task just to appease his lazy spouse/partner...?

According to women we never put the seat down, So if we start putting the seat down, do you think that women would then start putting it up and stop bitching about it?? I doubt it

RonsGuns that is the BEST signature I've seen, beats the hell out of Muzza's bunny.

Shehuntz:

To hell with arguments about toilet seats! That second "joke" is frightening and shows that we don't have a prayer in an argument about money! (BTW, if you're married and she sees that post, I would advise you to test your morning coffee on the cat before drinking)