HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum
balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You
cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to
turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have
one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point
of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim
milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a
sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to
eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and
New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table,
like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of
each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!!!

Good One.

I'll eat (and drink) to that!! When you first get there, though, prowl the dining area a bit.

With any luck you can find where the host keeps the brandy. About 32 ounces of eggnog spiced with about 8 ounces of brandy makes a very good appetizer and keeps the other food going down smoothly!

that's an awful lot of eggnog!

Rich

Yeh, it is. But we at least need to sound civilized on the holidays. Shall we add, "Season to your individual taste"? Besides, some of the really good looking chickie friends of my sisters may not drink ANY useful amount if it tastes too strong to start with. Bummer!

A lovely and appropriate blast from the past!

Yeah, I had to back + look at the posting dates when I noticed Alberta Canuck + Idaho Sharpshooter.

It's fun to recycle every now and then, Randy! Especially when they are still timely!

Jackie Gleason said about eggnog that he was not gonna drink a dozen raw eggs to get one shot of whiskey. So go and search for Brandy

I always loved the Jackie Gleason show (after the Honeymooners of course). I liked his routine as a postal worker, severely stamping "Fragile" on the pkg. + then writing on the destroyed box, 'rattle O.K.'