Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same
mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone
thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces
Feb 10 - Mar 20
You are a pioneer type and think most people are
dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and
full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you
come in contact with. You are a prick.
Aries
Mar 21 - April 20
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being
followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on
your friends and people resent you for flaunting your
power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think your
are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a
goddamed communist.
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you
because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too
much for too little. This means your are a cheap
bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's
problems, which makes you a sucker. Your are always
putting things off. That is why you will always be on
welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is
a Cancer.
Leo
July 21 - Aug 22
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are
an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot
tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo
people are thiving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation
more than sex.
Virgo
Aug 23 - Sept 22
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your
shit-picking attitude as sickening to your friends and
co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall
asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and
pimps.
Libra
Sept 23 - Oct 21
Your are the artistic type and have a difficult time
dealing with reality. If your are a male you are
probably queer. Chances for employment and monerary gain
are nill. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die
of venereal desease.
Scorpio
Oct 22 - Nov 21
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business
and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of
success because of your total lack of ethics. You are
the perfect on-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
tendency to rely on your luck since your have no talent.
The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a
worthless piece of shit.
Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are
basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn
of any importance. You should kill yourself.