If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.

Excuse me while I write that one down. Now then, where is Gerry375?

Lawyers dont steal. They do all that great work for the fellow man. All that money they take from large corps. should keep them busy. They shouldnt have to steal from cops.

Yes, one of the true classics!

Well done!

See you in court....

I forget the title but there is a movie with Jimmy Stewart and the dialog when something like this.

Lawyer asks a question.

Stewart: Wellll I think...

Lawyer: I didn't ask you what you think!

Stewart: Sorry I'm not a lawyer so I have to think when I talk

Dave:

I was going to pretend that I never saw this joke but I knew Australia was on the alert!

It makes a good joke but for the sake of clients everywheres I hope that isn't a true story.

There is an absolutely basic rule in cross exam -that you never ask the witness a question to which you don't already know the answer -or that whatever conceivable answer is anyways damning to the witness. By way of illustration of the principle there was a joke told when I was in law school:

The defendant was on trial in a British court and charged with maiming- a very serious offense under the English statutes. The defendant was charged with having bit off the complaining witness's ear. Defense counsel led the prosecution witness, a police officer, to admit that he did not actually see the defendant bite off the victim's ear.

The defense counsel concluded triumphantly: " Then how do you know my client bit off an ear?"

The officer quietly responded: " "Because I saw him spit it out".

Gerry,
My lawyer told me once that everyone complains about low down, lying, conniving lawyers till they need one. Then they WANT the most low down, lying conniving lawyer in town

Sam:

Shakespeare's famous line " First thing we do is to kill all the lawyers" always gets a lot of support. I am not proud of lawyer-politicians that we have in public office for the most part. However I am proud of lawyers who defend people charged with crime -and do it for nothing -and try their best to get the defendant acquitted. Yeah, I hear the response now. "How can you want to get a murderer, a rapist, a child molester, acquitted?". My response is - "I don't". BUT I took an oath as a lawyer to make the State (the prosecutor) PROVE its case. Every defendant has a right to be defended by honest, uncorrupted counsel who will make the State work VERY hard to prove that this defendant is guilty. Otherwise, let's forget the whole thing and simply bring the guy out next morning and either shoot him or hang him.

(Sorry to get so longwinded on a joke channel that I much enjoy -but many men have died to establish the principle of a fair trial - and, much as I hate to admit it, it was those damned English who did it - not us Irish or Scots)