HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little fucker's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to
wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch.

15) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

16) Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1) Wrap in bacon.

Thats pretty funny, but I used to get those plastic shot capsules for reloading for my 44RM, much easier to just put the medicine in them and administer. Add 4 or 5 BB's for proper depth of administration, perhaps a couple of aspirin for "painless" administration, and much easier and quicker. Just a thought!

I like to load the pills in my -'06, over a light charge of 4064. The cat doesn't even have to be looking my way - you can get 'em in from most any direction.

That sounds alot like how I would "deliver" the "pill".

Why would anyone want to give a cat a pill anyway. I always thought they were just targets. The joke is pretty good though.
Roadtrash

Great! Had trouble reading it as I was laughing so much. I'm just glad that our dog doesn't get sick because while he appears to get the pill down with the bacon/rissole/fruit-loaf we always find the pill somewhere in the yard. That plus the filthy look he gives us.

Swamp Fox:

As a New Yorker (and therefore a person of political correctness which we keep trying to teach to the rest of you "yokels") I was horrified at your cruel treatment of an innocent animal. Did you ever bother to consider that the cat had rights? Did you ask if you could give perhaps dangerous and certainly unauthorized medication ( so far as the cat was concerned). Of course, you didn't.

Well, I am here to tell you that your cat has a champion prepared to defend its rights. (BTW, male or female? If female, you're in real trouble, buddy, for totally unauthorized touching -probably amounting to assault) I am notifying PETA! I'm sorry but cases like yours have to be dealt with very sternly.

I personaly am a proud card carrying member of the real PETA - People Eating Tasy Animals

Just go ahead and submit the complaint to me and it will be dealt with. I have found the best way to deal with a feline complaint is to finely dice the meat and brown with a good amount of garlic and onion. Simmer for awhile in a tasty tomato base sauce and pour over pasta. And no, it doesnt taste like chicken.

M1Tanker:

There must be some way to shut down organizations like yours! It is shocking to read that recipes can be posted on the internet for cat. (Are they really that good as the recipe sounds?)

BTW, I assume that your user name doesn't refer to the M1 Abrams tank. If it does, I want you to know that I HATE cats and always have. Is there anything else, Sir, that you want?

gerald416,
You sure know how to hurt a guys feelings and insult him all at once. Questioning my tanker status and all and then to address a NCO as "sir". I am a NCO and not an officer, I work for a living.

If it makes you feel any better I have found that a large tough tom cat that would normally be too tough to eat becomes tenderized quite nicely by placing them under a tank tread and making one pass over the top. I have always figured a HEAT round from my 120mm main gum would tenderize very well also. Picking up enough to make a meal from after the blast might be difficult though.

And yes, the recipe is actually pretty good. I only tried it once but it was actually good. The whole meal was a college initiation thing. They couldnt believe it when I actually liked it. The rest of the guys were gagging all through the meal.

M1Tanker:

(You have no idea how loudly I laughed reading about you feeling insulted, as an NCO at being called "Sir". One of my brothers in WW2 was a "Topkick". He adamantly refused a commission. I still remember to this day my mother's puzzlement and our inability to explain it to her!

Migod! it's a 120mm now on our tanks? (In my army, it was a 76mm (HV) and a little later 90mm both of which were bad enough to listen to on joint live fire exercises anyway. Do you guys still give that snotty look to infantry who have to step aside on the road and let you go by?

As for your cat recipes - just wait until PETA comes after you! I'm notifying them right away. (I can't wait to see how they handle the 120mm)

Bill:

In all events - Godspeed and the prayers of all of us with you and the guys. I hope you never have to go, of course,but I wanted to make sure that you knew I always was joking. If you are going and after you get there please send me a PM giving your exact mailing address and what you would like to have, that Uncle Sam in his "wisdom" forgot to issue.

gerald416,
I bet your brother was heck of a good NCO, even better in my eyes if he made the choice to stay NCO. I actually was in ROTC in college but when my junior year rolled around and you have to make the choice to stay in ROTC and sign the contract or leave ROTC. I opted for the stay NCO. I was already a SGT and the NCO mentality was too deeply beat into me. My wife and family still cant comprehend why I chose to stay enlisted and not be an officer.

Yeah the tank guns have gotten huge. The 120mm main is even a smoothbore and fire casaeless ammo and it will still smack the tar out of a Soviet T72 tank at 2000+ meters with the first round. And on the move at night to boot. You definately dont want to be near the muzzle when that baby goes boom.

Fortunately I wont be getting deployed anytime soon since I start Unmanned Aerial Vehicle Operator School in NOV. I have 31 months deployed in my career so far but that is far less than what a lot of the infantry and armor guys will end up with if they stay in the next few years. The Idaho National GUard is a tank brigade and will be deplying for 2 years, 6 months train up here at Ft Bliss and 18 months in Iraq. That has got to be tough on them and their families.

As for PETA: I have a friend back in Utah who takes the cake. PETA was holding a demonstration at a local McDonalds. My buddy hears about it and decides to really pull their chain. He wires an elk rack to his truck grill, shoots a couple rockchucks and flops them on his hood, puts on a coonskin cap and parks drives right into the middle of the crowd with guns n his window rack, and a huge bowie knife on his belt and walks in. He then comes out and sits on his tailgate and starts eating. The PETA crowd is going ballistic. Now that he has them worked up he grabs the rockchucks and starts gutting them on the spot. That crowd of wanna be's screaming the whole time. He finally gets the heart out and plops it into his mouth raw. PETA puke starts flying in a huge chain reaction. He very quietly gets back in his truck and drives off leaving PETA covered in their own vomit. I watched the whole thing since he called me and told me to go down to McD's and wait for the show. Best entertainment I have ever seen. I thought he did OK for a law student.

Bill:

My brother was some 11 years older than me and I was 15 when WW2 ended. He always assured me that a commission was a demotion. he also said that NCOs ran the Army. I lived to learn that they did!

I'm astonished that PETA would pop up in any western state. I thought they only operated here in the East or in California. Your friend sounds like he would have done great in a survival course (eating raw heart of anything!)When I was young (back when dinosaurs were around) I used to wonder how the Ranger units could eat snakes. I always swore to myself that I'd go hungry first -but, then I was never put to the test!. Wish we could have your friend back here sometime when PETA has a rally or whatever they call it. Those would be some pictures for the local evening TV news!

I don't know if I could handle the raw hearts but the rest sounds like a really good show. A peta demonstration would be a good place to get together and cook a few deer or elk burgers in the parking lot.
Roadtrash

Roadtrash:

Aw,gee! Just when I wanted to have a knock down and drag out fight with PETA, you offer a western cook out! Now I would rather find out what elk tastes like!

Ha!

imagine beef only upgrade it about 50%.
take out the hormones.
add in a lot of work carrying the thing over 5 mountain tops and a full day of butchering once you get it home.
only it tastes good.

Holy thread resurrection, Batman! Almost 12 years might be some kind of record.