quote:

Originally posted by Foxhunter223:
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way
home from work. I stopped at the diner restaurant and before I knew it,
I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.


All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me
and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he
was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.


He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went
to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting
me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband
was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one
leg and let one go.


It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running
over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap
and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other
cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.


Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I
went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was
indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end
of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,
placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved
and pleased with myself.


My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned, apologising for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked
through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.


At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted.