Tips To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity In 2021

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars and watch them slow down.

2. On all your check stub memo lines write, “For sexual favors.”

3. Skip down the street rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

4. With a serious face, order a diet water whenever you go out to eat.

5. Sing along at the opera.

6. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, “I won, I won.”

7. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”

8. With a serious look on your face, tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”

9. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.

10. Go to a large department store’s fitting room, drop your drawers to your ankles and yell out, “There’s no toilet paper in here!”

About 30 years ago a buddy + I were hauling a trailerload of hogs to the locker plant in Johnson City. On the way home we thought we would stop + get some beer. We went into the HEB + I bought a 12 pack of Lone Star + a bunch of bananas that my wife had asked for. As an afterthought I grabbed a box of condoms from the pharmacy. When we went out the checkout line with that combo my buddy said, "You SOB, I'll NEVER go shopping with you again."

since we're going there...LOL

years back my buddy kept trying to ask the girl that worked at the little convenience store out but could never break the ice with her.

one afternoon we were the only ones in there, and he was trying to make small talk to get up the nerve to ask her out.

when I walked over another aisle killing time, and yelled out to him: hey they got that mouth wash you say gets the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he calmly said is it the cherry one?
I was like no,, looks like the mint flavored one is all they got,,, maybe they can order the cherry??

4 years later I was their best man.

quote:

Originally posted by Lamar:
since we're going there...LOL

years back my buddy kept trying to ask the girl that worked at the little convenience store out but could never break the ice with her.

one afternoon we were the only ones in there, and he was trying to make small talk to get up the nerve to ask her out.

when I walked over another aisle killing time, and yelled out to him: hey they got that mouth wash you say gets the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he calmly said is it the cherry one?
I was like no,, looks like the mint flavored one is all they got,,, maybe they can order the cherry??

4 years later I was their best man.