May 30th:
I just moved to Phoenix. Now this is a city that knows how to
live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I
watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was
beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in
an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure
to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots
of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for
me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people
get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But
getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my
body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my
lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left
this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had
died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the
$2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car
now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more
pets in this heat.

July 25th:
The wind SUCKS! It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!
And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the
AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to
order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in
damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come
here?

Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking
humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman. I
hate this stupid city.

Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm
going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator
is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!

Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I
lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and
sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2
damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next,
so my $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn
pool. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to
crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The
installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife
had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Freaking AZ. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?

That's funny!!!

Good one! Reminds me of the time I forgot went fishing over-night, came home and left immediately with the family for the weekend vacation. When we returned home I spotted the Landcruiser in the drive with the ice chest full of rottten fish I had forgot to clean or ice down prior to leaving for our vacation.
A smell like that will always stick with you

EvilAdmin:

This is a serious travel story. It truly annoyed me (even then and still today) over 45 years ago when I first saw the Southwest to hear people say: " Yes, it's hot but it's a dry heat!" -even as I felt the heat of the pavement through the leather soles of my shoes! Baking in a furnace is a "dry" heat too! ( Yeah, I loved the SW for the beauty of its scenery and its sunsets but don't ever try to sell me on the glories of being outdoors in the sun. (Those Apaches were not running around in breechclouts and half naked, were they in that sun? We sure never defeated them. Maybe they decided to give up the lousy country to us crazy whites)