Headlines from the year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions
in the seventh largest
country in the world, 'Mexifornia' formerly known
as California. White
minorities still trying to have English recognized
as Mexifornia's third
language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United
States crops and
livestock.


Baby conceived naturally .......scientists stumped.


Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual
marriage.


Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the
American Territory of the
Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan,
Syria and Lebanon).


Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will
take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe
levels.


France pleads for global help after being taken
over by Jamaica.


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can
now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all
smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in
2036.


Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to
$17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.


On-going 85-years , $75.8 billion study:
Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.



Japanese scientists have created a camera with such
a fast shutter speed,
they now can photograph a woman with her mouth
shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining Conservative.



Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals
violates their civil rights.


Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven
inches.



New federal law requires that all nail clippers,
screwdrivers, fly swatters
and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by
January 2036.



Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly
illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.


IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Florida voters still having trouble with voting
machines.