> >
> > SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
> >
> > Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"
> >
> > "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
> >
> > "Social Security sex?"
> >
> > "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
> >
> >
> >
> > LOUD SEX:
> >
> > A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
> doctor.
> > Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear
> > splitting yell."
> >
> > "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
what
> > the problem is."
> >
> > "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
> >
> >
> > QUIET SEX:
> >
> > Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
> > during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me
> > when you have an orgasm?"
> >
> > She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
> >
> >
> > CONFOUNDED SEX
> >
> > A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled
> > and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine
> > could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't
> > cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic The doctor said
> > the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for
> > "large."
> >
> > The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor
> > urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The
> > man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor
> > came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
> >
> > "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
> >
> > The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
> >
> >
> > WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
> >
> > A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
> > wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting
> > you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
> >
> > "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
> > that reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last."
> >
> >
> > WOMEN'S HUMOR
> >
> > My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will
> > make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the
> > bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
> >
> > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*
> *
> > * * * * * * * * * * *
> > One night an 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92
> > year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent
> > and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted
> > living apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on
> > a charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say
> > in her defense. She began coolly,
> > Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...he could
> fly.
> >

Heard about RODEO SEX???

Next time you are with your girlfriend...get her to go down on all fours. Next position yourself firmly behind her take a firm grip of her hair and once you are well rooted...lean down to her ear and say: "This is exactly how your sister likes it!"

Five....I though there were only three?

Kitchen sex, bedroom sex and hall sex?



Kitchen sex < !--color-->



When you first get married, the passion grabs you and you do it where ever you are...kitchen,living room, garage,car etc. etc. etc.





Bedroom sex < !--color-->



After you've been married awhile you only have sex in the bedroom





Hall sex < !--color-->

When you've been married a long time, you pass each other in the hall and say "fuck you"