Good - your wife is pregnant
Bad - It's triplets
Ugly - -Your vasectomy was 5 years ago

Good - Your wife's not talking to you
Bad - She wants a divorce
Ugly - She's a civil law attorney

Good - Your son is finally maturing
Bad - He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly - So are you

Good - Your daughter studies a lot in her room
Bad - Your wife finds several "porno" movies in there
Ugly - You're starring in them

Good - Your wife and you agree...no more kids
Bad - She can't find her birth control pills
Ugly - Your daughter borrowed them

Good - Your wife understands fashions
Bad - She's a cross-dresser
Ugly - She looks more "studly" than you do

Good - You had the "birds" and bees" talk with your 14 year old daughter
Bad - She kept interrupting
Ugly - With corrections

Good - The postman's early
Bad - He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun
Ugly - You gave him nothing (not even a card) for Christmas

Good - your other daughter (age 17) got a new job
Bad - As a hooker
Ugly - Your co-workers are her best clients, AND she earns a great deal more money than you do...all tax-free