Have you ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that
you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few stories of people who did and do....

1) I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't
say a word... he knew better.

2) I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

3) My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
forget.

4) While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.To
my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were
screams of laughter.

5) A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed
out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX
SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU
POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

I was at a meeting in Alaska a few years ago and had been able to bring my wife along. At an after-hours social, a Native Alaskan woman was describing life in small villages and the table fare which included moose, caribou, fish, rabbit, beaver . . . at which point my wife said, quite innocently, "Beaver, really -- I've always wondered what beaver tastes like". Being a mixed crowd, I and my collegue from California had to bite the insides of our lips to avoid bursting out in laughter and couldn't look one another in the eye for the next 15 minutes without socially embarassing ourselves.

I said "I Do" once.

Amen, Fjold. Amen.