A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress. A sign read: "Don't miss Jock, The Amazing Scotsman". The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.

There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded poster for the same circus and the same sign: "Don"t miss Jock, The Amazing Scotsman". He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act!

He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated. This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.

"You're incredible!" he told the Scotsman. "But I have to know something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?" "Well laddie" said the Scot "Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be".

Hah!

Very funny.

But if he'd have been a true Scotsman, he'd have used his bi-focals and switched to pistachios!

Well, I have to bring you all back to earth.

I have a Scottish friend here who wears a kilt sometimes.

"Why are you wearing a skirt today?"

This is a kilt. Scotsmen wear it. Anyway, you shouldn't be complaining, wearing that dress!"

"Well, we have to wear a dress, because if we wore trousers, we would need one with 3 legs"

Scottish infantry especially terrible in windy weather

it's easier to run with your kilt up than with your pants down.

quote:

Originally posted by Saeed:
Well, I have to bring you all back to earth.

I have a Scottish friend here who wears a kilt sometimes.

"Why are you wearing a skirt today?"

This is a kilt. Scotsmen wear it. Anyway, you shouldn't be complaining, wearing that dress!"

"Well, we have to wear a dress, because if we wore trousers, we would need one with 3 legs"

As the man said "They're quite useful Lad for diarriah or fornication." The Germans in WW1 called them "The Ladies From Hell."