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Picture of Mike Brooks
posted
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on
those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards : NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK ..... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags'
and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what
does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does
that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope
as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the
liquor store or Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people
from Holland called Holes?

7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just
stale bread to begin with?

9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who drives a race car is not called a racist?

10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,
and dry cleaners depressed?

12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible
a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ...
they're cramming for their final exam.

16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?
Toothpicks?

17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so
the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

18. If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two
words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?


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Today's Quote:
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a man a welfare check, a free cell phone with free monthly minutes, food stamps, section 8 housing, a forty ounce malt liquor, a crack pipe and some Air Jordan's and he votes Democrat for a lifetime.
 
Posts: 4096 | Location: Cherkasy Ukraine  | Registered: 19 November 2005Reply With Quote
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Spring is still a long way aways itsn't it. Big Grin


Aim for the exit hole
 
Posts: 4348 | Location: middle tenn | Registered: 09 December 2009Reply With Quote
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Picture of Wink
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Number ten should be "oneteen" not "onety one".


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AR, where the hopeless, hysterical hypochondriacs of history become the nattering nabobs of negativisim.
 
Posts: 7046 | Location: Rambouillet, France | Registered: 25 June 2004Reply With Quote
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