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Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food. Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming...One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction." The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "You're hallucinating, you've finally lost your mind. "But within a few minutes, up on the beach floated a stunningly beautiful woman, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much a ring or earrings on her person. The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing. One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this God-forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time...So... Do you think we should...well...You know... Screw her?" "Out of WHAT?" asked the other lawyer. | ||
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"During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?" - P.J. O'Rourke xxxxxxxxxx When considering US based operations of guides/outfitters, check and see if they are NRA members. If not, why support someone who doesn't support us? Consider spending your money elsewhere. NEVER, EVER book a hunt with BLAIR WORLDWIDE HUNTING or JEFF BLAIR. I have come to understand that in hunting, the goal is not the goal but the process. | |||
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Definition of a tragedy, a bus load of lawyers going over a cliff,with one seat empty.  An old guy, realizing the end is near, goes to his lawyer and tells him he's decided to take all his money with him to the grave and he wants it placed in his coffin. sure enough, the lawyer shows at the funeral and just before they close the lid on the coffin, throws in a check.  Grizz Indeed, no human being has yet lived under conditions which, considering the prevailing climates of the past, can be regarded as normal. John E Pfeiffer, The Emergence of Man Those who can't skin, can hold a leg. Abraham Lincoln Only one war at a time. Abe Again. | |||
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We all bitch about lawyers…until we need one. That said, here is one of my favs: A gent walks into a bar, orders a shot of whiskey, gulps it down, slams the empty glass on the bar and yells out, "All lawyers are assholes" An unseen voice replied, "Shut the hell up. That's not right!" The fella answers, "Why, are you a lawyer?" The unseen voice says, "No, I'm an asshole." _______________________________ Cal Pappas, Willow, Alaska www.CalPappas.com www.CalPappas.blogspot.com 1994 Zimbabwe 1997 Zimbabwe 1998 Zimbabwe 1999 Zimbabwe 1999 Namibia, Botswana, Zambia--vacation 2000 Australia 2002 South Africa 2003 South Africa 2003 Zimbabwe 2005 South Africa 2005 Zimbabwe 2006 Tanzania 2006 Zimbabwe--vacation 2007 Zimbabwe--vacation 2008 Zimbabwe 2012 Australia 2013 South Africa 2013 Zimbabwe 2013 Australia 2016 Zimbabwe 2017 Zimbabwe 2018 South Africa 2018 Zimbabwe--vacation 2019 South Africa 2019 Botswana 2019 Zimbabwe vacation 2021 South Africa 2021 South Africa (2nd hunt a month later) ______________________________ | |||
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Yeah the original way I heard it of course was Jew lawyers Not much changes. In relation to P.J. O'rourke's statement,a bit of truism here concerning our current wild hog problem. When Pres. Hoover was doing no grow for $$$ to the farmers he was also instrumental in imposing the edict that to balance the livestock budget that they kill off X amount of hogs.The pig farmers in East Tx. pretty much told them what they could do to themselves+ then turned them loose. Now here we are. Never mistake motion for action. | |||
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I suspect if there were less lawyers we wouldn't need as many. | |||
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Cowboy CS....That's actually a rather profound statement....I am considering passing it along to my daughter the criminal defense lawyer. | |||
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Clients are better?  Mike Wilderness is my cathedral, and hunting is my prayer. | |||
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Of course. Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer. xxxxxxxxxx When considering US based operations of guides/outfitters, check and see if they are NRA members. If not, why support someone who doesn't support us? Consider spending your money elsewhere. NEVER, EVER book a hunt with BLAIR WORLDWIDE HUNTING or JEFF BLAIR. I have come to understand that in hunting, the goal is not the goal but the process. | |||
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Ah, lawyer jokes. We're easy targets and there are some bad ones out there. But most of us went into this profession to help people. That said, it's getting to be a harder way to make a living. I'm glad I'm at the end of my career; I fear for the young lawyers we are hiring. | |||
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Hah! What's the difference between a leech and a lawyer? Nobody wants a lawyer who sucks! Mike Wilderness is my cathedral, and hunting is my prayer. | |||
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There's an old saying: In a really small town one lawyer would starve, but two could each make a pretty good living. LTC, USA, RET Benefactor Life Member, NRA Member, SCI & DSC Proud son of Texas A&M, Class of 1969 "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" Robert Browning | |||
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field below. He lowers the balloon toward the man and shouts to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I am late to meet a friend, but I don’t know where I am.” The man below says, “I’m happy to help. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.” After a brief pause, the balloonist declares: “You must be a lawyer.” “I am” replies the man. “How did you know?” “Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me I am sure is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.” The man below responds, “Indeed. And you … You must be a client.” “Why, yes, I am,” replies the balloonist, “how in the world did you know?” “Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.” Mike | |||
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Invented by a lawyer, no doubt ? Grizz Indeed, no human being has yet lived under conditions which, considering the prevailing climates of the past, can be regarded as normal. John E Pfeiffer, The Emergence of Man Those who can't skin, can hold a leg. Abraham Lincoln Only one war at a time. Abe Again. | |||
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Speaking of leeches..... Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech? A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood. xxxxxxxxxx When considering US based operations of guides/outfitters, check and see if they are NRA members. If not, why support someone who doesn't support us? Consider spending your money elsewhere. NEVER, EVER book a hunt with BLAIR WORLDWIDE HUNTING or JEFF BLAIR. I have come to understand that in hunting, the goal is not the goal but the process. | |||
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This one's my favorite. If you think lawyer jokes are funny, then the next time you're accused of something, call a comedian.  Mike Wilderness is my cathedral, and hunting is my prayer. | |||
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A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies "I'm sorry but he died last week." The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies "I told you yesterday, he died last week." The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?" The guy says, "Because I just love hearing you say that." xxxxxxxxxx When considering US based operations of guides/outfitters, check and see if they are NRA members. If not, why support someone who doesn't support us? Consider spending your money elsewhere. NEVER, EVER book a hunt with BLAIR WORLDWIDE HUNTING or JEFF BLAIR. I have come to understand that in hunting, the goal is not the goal but the process. | |||
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Yeah, but doctors bury their mistakes, lawyers just keep appealing and collecting. Grizz Indeed, no human being has yet lived under conditions which, considering the prevailing climates of the past, can be regarded as normal. John E Pfeiffer, The Emergence of Man Those who can't skin, can hold a leg. Abraham Lincoln Only one war at a time. Abe Again. | |||
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