A tourist driving through farm country stops in a local bar for a cold beer. He gets to talking to a farmer who is sipping whisky at the bar and looking like the end of the world has come.

The tourist ( being an old farm boy himself) is aware that it is highly unusual for a farmer to be in a bar while the sun is high.

He asks jokingly: "Why are you sitting here while God's good daylight is out there?"

The farmer says suddenly: "Ye know there are some things you can't explain". He keeps muttering this over and over.

The tourist asks what he means.

The farmer looks at him and says: " "Alright! I'll tell you what I mean"

"I was milking the last cow this morning. Bessie was always a restless one but this morning I had hardly gotten a quarter pail when she lashed out with her right leg and kicked over the pail. So I took some rope and tied her right leg to a stall post and then I continued. Well, she eventually kicked over the pail again and this time with her left leg - so i took some rope and tied her left leg to the stall post next to her. I continued trying to milk her when she used her tail to knock over the pail before I had hardly started".

The tourist asks: " What did you do then?"

The farmer looks at him with the look of the damned.

The farmer continues his tale.

" I had no more rope to tie the tail so I took off my belt to use instead. That made my pants fall down - and at that moment my wife walked in".

"Like I said - there are some things you can't explain!".

"The Cowmans' Height" (explained)

Find one fool wants to learn to milk cows.
Get him to stand behind mucky arsed cow ('bout 18")
Put cows tail on his head, get him to draw his lips into a pucker and blow a raspberry.
At which point you give said fool a good shove on the shoulder.

It's surprising how the thought of milkin' cows goes right out of his mind from that point on.

Regards.

Dave.
....