WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%), and fast food restaurants (93%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA bill contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

{The Senator's office at the same time issued this statement: "The Senator fully identifies with the people this legislation is designed to help.")
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I fail to see why they need to pass a law on this, the Federal Civil Service already exists and they even have a union.

I SEE NO REASON WHY MY TAX DOLLARS SHOULD SUPPORT THESE LAZY BAST---S.

Mike, it looks like people are going to take this seriously.

This is already alive in the information technology industry....

Too funny..

Ken....

quote:

Originally posted by Wink:
I fail to see why they need to pass a law on this, the Federal Civil Service already exists and they even have a union.

Not all Civil Service jobs hire idiots. Some branches of the Civil Service do provide important services to the people of this country. One prime example is the National Weather Service, originally called the Weather Bureau, one of whose main resposibilities is to provide warning of impending severe weather, flash flooding, etc. As a retired meteorologist who put in 33 years with the NWS, I can attest that every one of my co-workers to that responsibility with the utmost seriousness. With weather really being an inexact science, that did not make the job any easier, but we did it to the best of our ability.
Yes, we also have a union that was nothing more than a paper tiger. Unions representing federal employees do not have the right to strike as do unions in the private sector. However, as the union steward at my work location, I can say that I did keep a few beaurocratic assholes in line.
No sir, not all federal government employees are the idiots and assholes you claim them to be, and I feel that you owe the good ones an apology.
Paul B.

Paul, I think it was just a joke. Don't go postal on us. Okay?

Mike, Well done. Bet your tongue is sore from rubbing the inside of your cheek!

My inabiltiy has too long been an overlooked opportunity for a government handout.

Flunked out of school, I should have been given $10k.

Got girl next door pregnant, I should have been given a house.

I chose to live below sea level and I got flooded, I want billions.

Are we still in the humor section? Like I said above, it looks like people are going to take this seriously.

PaulB,
Are you always this thin skinned?
Chill out Dude! This is the humor section!

quote:

Originally posted by Mike Brooks:
PaulB,
Are you always this thin skinned?
Chill out Dude! This is the humor section!

No, not really. But after 33 years of busting my ass trying to keep on top of some damned serious weather situations, it just strikes me the wrong way when all federal employees are painted with the same brush. I ended up with a pretty damn good case of ulcers before that was all over and done with. I've been retired for six years now and the gut still hasn't completely healed.
Remember, our troops over in the sandbox are also government employees.

Paul B you still haven't discovered the only reason for "the
Weatherman" is so there will be someone wrong more often than the economist!

I took atmospheric sciences 301 in 1974, you never saw so much math about air!

OK PaulB, if it will make you feel better, one of my uncles is retired from NOAA, one of my sisters is a GS 13 and works for the Navy in San Diego, one of my grandmothers worked for many years for one of the intelligence agencies in Washington DC, my father, both my grandfathers, my brother, my brother-in-law are, or were, officers in different branches of the US Armed forces and I have worked for the Department of the Navy, the Federal Highway Administration and was even a Peace Corps Volunteer. So, government service and my family know each other. My comment was just humor, lighten up.