My Next Life
By George Carlin

I want to live my next life backwards:

You start out dead and get that out of the way..

Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. Then
you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension..
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day .
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're
generally promiscuous.

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you
have no responsibilities.

Then you become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months
floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions, central
heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

quote:

My Next Life
By George Carlin

I want to live my next life backwards:

You start out dead and get that out of the way..

Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. Then
you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension..
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day .
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're
generally promiscuous.

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you
have no responsibilities.

Then you become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months
floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions, central
heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case

This reminded me of...

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the gr eatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But! Wait!! ! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and make it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into ! Your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!