FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:



1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA...... FLOOR.

2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, THEN WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

7. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

8. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

9. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

10. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

11. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

12. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

13. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION TOILETS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?

14. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

15. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

16. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

17. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK ATMs?

18. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

19. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

20. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

21. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA? (This one took me a minute)

22. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

23. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

24. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

25. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

26. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

27. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

28. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

29. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

30. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON YOGURT?

31. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

32. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

If a man speaks in the forest, but there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

If Helen Keller fell down in the forest,would anyone hear?...sorry.

The Dane - message noted on the 'Caps Lock.'

I copied the post from an email - didn't see the need to re-type all 32 lines....

Glenn

G.McDermott, in Word: Ctrl+A, Shift+F3


For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of english:



1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila...... Floor.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, then why do we still have monkeys and apes?

4. The main reason that santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

7. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

8. Is there another word for synonym?

9. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

10. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

11. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

12. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

13. Why do they lock gas station toilets? Are they afraid someone will break-in and clean them?

14. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

15. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

16. If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

17. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank atms?

18. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

19. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

20. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

21. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra? (this one took me a minute)

22. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

23. How is it possible to have a civil war?

24. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

25. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

26. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

27. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?

28. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

29. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

30. Why is there an expiration date on yogurt?

31. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

32. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?

Vashper - thanks for the Word technical tip. Good info!

Glenn