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Russian Humour Thread!

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18 March 2014, 15:56
Edmond
Russian Humour Thread!
I will post here the jokes, cartoons and videos that current events are generating and some Soviet Union era jokes that are now trendy again in Russia!

Oldie but goldie:

If you want to live in France – you go to France.
If you want to live in UK, you go to England.

If you want to live in Russia – Russia will come to you!
19 March 2014, 02:13
vashper
Edmond, you are simple fool.
19 March 2014, 03:12
Use Enough Gun
Looks like someone's cutting in on Vashper's territory! Big Grin
21 March 2014, 09:47
dempsey
quote:
Soviet Union era jokes

An American man and a Soviet man died on the same day and went to Hell together. The Devil told them: “You may choose to enter two different types of Hell: the first is the American-style one, where you can do anything you like, but only on condition of eating a bucketful of manure every day; the second is the Soviet-style hell, where you can ALSO do anything you like, but only on condition of eating TWO bucketfuls of manure a day.” The American chose the American-style Hell, and the Soviet man chose the Soviet-style one. A few months later, they met again. The Soviet man asked the American: “Hi, how are you getting on?” The American said: “I’m fine, but I can’t stand the bucketful of manure every day. How about you?” The Soviet man replied: “Well, I’m fine, too, except that I don’t know whether we had a shortage of manure, or if somebody stole all the buckets.”


______________________
Always remember you're
unique, just like everyone else.

21 March 2014, 09:57
dempsey
It is the middle of the night. There is a knock at the door. Everyone leaps out of bed. Papa goes shakily to the door. ‘It’s all right,’ he says, coming back. ‘The building’s on fire.’


______________________
Always remember you're
unique, just like everyone else.

21 March 2014, 10:02
dempsey
Its hard to get an automobile in the soviet union. They are owned mainly by elite bureaucrats. It takes an average of 10 years to get a car. 1 out of 7 families owned automobiles. You have to go through a major process and put the money out in advance. so this man did this and the dealer said "okay in 10 years come get your car." "Morning or afternoon?" The man replied. "well what difference does it make?" Said the dealer. "The plumber is coming in the morning."

----Ronald Reagan


______________________
Always remember you're
unique, just like everyone else.

21 March 2014, 10:06
dempsey
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN3z3eSVG7A


______________________
Always remember you're
unique, just like everyone else.

23 March 2014, 08:48
NormanConquest
Beautiful girl walks down Russian street. Sees KGB agent + says,"Hey Boris,that gun in your pocket or you just glad to see me?" Loud report,beautiful girl falls to sidewalk. It was gun.


Never mistake motion for action.
23 March 2014, 08:50
NormanConquest
There was once a comrade named Serge,who had an incredible urge,he tried to make pass,at chairman's wife's ass,so he was shot.


Never mistake motion for action.
25 March 2014, 01:18
vashper
quote:
Originally posted by NormanConquest:
Beautiful girl walks down Russian street. Sees KGB agent + says,"Hey Boris,that gun in your pocket or you just glad to see me?" Loud report,beautiful girl falls to sidewalk. It was gun.