A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!" The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog. This dog can play the piano!" The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay.and have a drink on the house!" So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music. Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?" The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his arse.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

What did the gynecologist and the pizza delivery man have in common?
They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it.

How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
The cake jumps out of the girl.

What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak

What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

How is pubic hair like parsley?
You push it to the side before you start eating.


What do you call a dog with 4inch legs and 6inch diameter steel balls?
Sparky.