I just insulted my lawyer buddy with these, so I thought I'd share [some recycles, I know]

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Q: How do you tell if a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

Q: Why do they bury lawyers 100 feet into the ground?

A: Because down deep, they're good people.

Q: Why does New York have all the lawyers and New Jersey have all the toxic wasted dumps?

A: New Jersey got first pick

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A young woman went to see her doctor one day. She nervously asked,
"Doctor, please tell me.
Can I get pregnant from anal sex?"

The doctor immediately responded,
"My dear, where do you think lawyers come from?"

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A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.
To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.

To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly.

Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said,
"I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied,
"Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

2 lawyers are walking down the street and this hot lady walks past them. One lawyer say to the other "Man, I'd like to screw her!"

And the other says "Oh Yeah?, Out of what?"

You wake up one morning and find a rattlesnake, Saddam Hussain and a lawyer in the room with you.

Luckily you have a revolver handy however you have only two bullets left.

What do you do?

Shoot the lawyer twice. Some things you can't be too sure of!

Karl.

How many lawyer jokes are there?

Possibly, two, the rest are all true

Those are all good. I haven't heard many of these (and being in law school I hear a bunch).

Here are some of my favorites:

Q: How do know if it's cold outside?
A: The lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
A: Two, but the trick is you have to feed them in real slow.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One's a scum sucking bottom dweller. The other's a fish.