A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
Damn I like that one...

An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It
only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by
having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother
became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you
paying attention to me?"
Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time
this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I
was hoping that they would show up again.

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.

Bonus extra ...... A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder
to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly
hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large
plate glass window.For a few moments everything was silent in the cab,
then the driver said, " Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the
daylights out of me."The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised
and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him
so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your
fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a
hearse for the last 25 years."