Dear Sir,

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. I’ve decided I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all government policies. I would prefer not to raise Razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year, when he got your check for $1,000 for not raising them. If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 for the first year.

Now another thing, these hogs that I will not raise, will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you pay farmers not to raise corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising corn and wheat not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise? Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that also.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election and will contribute to your campaign.

Patriotically yours,

Xxxxx Xxxxx

P.S. - Please notify me of what other government programs I can "not" participate in.

Excellent and so so true, no matter which side of the pond we live on.Nicked it!jc

Funny in it's way. The truth on the do not raise or grow started in the Hoover administration. The hog part started when the federal agents were told to eradicate the hog farms to "balance the economy".In the middle of the depression one destroys food. Don't ask me. this is Government intellect at it's best.The farmers basically said "screw you,we'll turn them loose before you'll come in + kill them."They did + that is why we have the wild hog problems that we have today.