A man that worked construction sites and is son, who sometimes hung out at the job site, were shopping in a crowded Wal Mart. They were behind a rather large (dress out over 300lbs) woman when here pager went off. The son said in a loud voice "lookout dad she's backing up".

How well I can relate. After being in the const. business for years, I had an alarm clock that when it went off sounded just like a concrete truck backing up + believe me, it WOULD wake you up!

There are some whales around Lake Iliamna that should have that feature!

I was standing at the checkout at the supermarket by the beach.

An extremely fat Russian, wearing swimming shorts like a micro bikini, kept bumping into me at the line.

I turned around, stuck four fingers with my fist into his stomach, and said “STOP”.

He did.

He actually did not move until I got through, turned around and smiled at him.

I know the manager of the supermarket.

He heard about this, and called me.

He said what would have happened if that man try to hit me?

I said he would either have had a heart attack and died, or transported in an ambulance!

He said the Russian must have realized it, and kept his cool!

On the same subject.

We had a fat American lady - with a great sense of humor - as a member at our sailing club.

We spared nothing in dealing with each other, to the enjoyment of most members, and total shock of a few.

She was lying on the beach sunbathing.

Someone dropped a glass on the stone veranda, and it broke.

They started picking the pieces.

I said “ you will have a hard time picking the small pieces. But, if you ask that beached whale lying there to come over and roll on the broken glass, nothing will be left”

Someone said “What a horrible thing to say!”

I said “the blubber on her is 4 inches thick. She won’t feel a thing!”

I called her over, and told her what I said .

She laughed, and said “you are an unmitigated BASTARD! But I know you love me!”

quote:

Originally posted by Saeed:
On the same subject.

We had a fat American lady - with a great sense of humor - as a member at our sailing club……

Very good crew on windy days.
Movable ballast.

M

quote:

She laughed, and said “you are an unmitigated BASTARD! But I know you love me!”

Saeed, after hearing that I wouldn't be surprised to hear that you had crept up + written "Goodyear" on her side.

quote:

Originally posted by NormanConquest:
Saeed, after hearing that I wouldn't be surprised to hear that you had crept up + written "Goodyear" on her side.

A friends wife, with who we travel quite a lot together, keeps asking “I keep wondering why no one beats you up? You are rude to everyone. Even strangers! And all they do is laugh!”

We were sitting in a coffee shop in Chattel, France.

Enjoying pancakes and coffee.

Table next to us another couple.

Very slim lady and a rather fat man with an enormous belly.

I don’t know how it started, but somehow the ladies on our table started talking to them.

The conversation went to them trying for a baby.

I looked at the man, and said “won’t be long now, would it!”

There was a moment of silence. Then everyone broke into laughter.

The man patted his stomach, and said “I wish it was that easy “

Many years ago we were at a BBQ at the roping arena + my wife being pregnant at the time was accosted by a local cowboy endowed with a beer gut + commented on her swallowing a watermelon seed, Ha, Ha. She quipped right back, Mine will be gone in a couple of months, what's your excuse?