1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your mother.
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2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
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3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
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4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
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5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.
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8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

A mechanic.
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9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
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10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

The one who can eat the last donut.
___________________________________________________________
11) Jewish dilemma:

Free PORK.
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12) The three words men hate to hear most during sex:
'Are you in?'
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13) The three words women hate to hear most during sex:

'Honey, I'm home!'

Oldies BUT Still Goodies!!

I'm at the stage of life where a "quickie before dinner" is a vodka martini...

Good ones!!!