slimary: a period of mud-slinging at people in one's own political party before a caucus

lambivalence: uncertainty about ordering mutton

Wiiping: shedding tears over breaking a bone while playing a video game

keyrumbs: the food particles forever embedded in one's computer keyboard after grazing at one's desk

clemenstein: a tangerine as large as a grapefruit

wilk: the bland mixture used to moisten one's breakfast cereal when one's hungover ass was too lazy and stupid to remember to pick up a fresh gallon jug the night before

occupie: to protest 1% of delicious pastry desserts

mittstake: a poorly chosen political candidate

inagropriate: warmly and enthusiastically hugging all your 17-year old daughter's cheerleader friends

grampage: a state of mind that occurs when one gets whippersnapped

caucup: an allegedly crucial Midwestern statewide straw poll in which no delegates are awarded and votes are never counted the same way twice

teboner: a hard-on for any athlete that helps your pathetic team

palintology: the historical study of an era in which a superficial one term governor of a remote state could simultaneously stir both intense loyalty and loathing

fundamenace: Pat Robertson, Rick Santorum, the Taliban, etc.

obstinatiousness: a character trait that forces otherwise intelligent men to refuse to ask for directions or to read user manuals