Traffic cop was waiting in the dark outside a popular local bar, hoping for a bust. As everyone came out at closing time, he spotted his perfect quarry.

The man was so drunk that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his keys on five other cars, pausing for a pee between tries, he finally found his own and fell in.

The drunk sat burping, belching and fumbling in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He then turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off, hazards, some cussin', started the engine, stalled. Restarted. He slowly pulled forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, when all the other cars had left, he managed to pull out onto the road without hitting anything and started to drive away.

The copper, with a wide grin, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He gave the breathalyser to the innocent-till-proven-guilty, and to his great surprise, the man blew a clear pass.

The cop was dumbfounded. "Fikkin' piece of crap must be broken!"

"Oh no, Sir... I guess your stuff is allright" said the man, "It's just that tonight I'm the designated decoy..."